On this long weekend, Family Day in Canada, I reflect on what family means to me. As a child family meant protection, comfort, shelter, and stability. As a teenager family meant embarrassment. As an adult, the definition of family shifted to something I longed for. Something of my own.
As a single woman I longed, sometimes desperately, scrap that, all the time, for a partner I would fall in love with, and start a family of my own. As I watched my friends and siblings fall in love, get married and create their own nests, my desire grew stronger, more desperate and yah, I'll admit, pretty bitter.
It was always the man's fault as to why the relationship didn't work. I never took accountability for my part in the demise of a doomed courtship. Why did I think I could always change them when on first greeting say, "I'm not changing" even if he was referring to the pizza stains on his shirt. After years of self-help books, numerous dating apps and endless teary-eyed phone calls to the wine delivery service, I was not getting any closer to starting my own family.
One day as I was recalling my dating woes to Juan, the wine delivery guy, he looked at me and asked: "What do you want?". "Love" I answered, as I snatched the liter of red out of his basket."Well, how are you going to get love if you don't give it?". And there it was. It was that simple. Juan was like a wise buddah on a ten speed. I spend so much time feeling sorry for myself, playing the victim, that what I wanted, had to be reciprocal.
So if you're a single person, searching for the answers to your singleness, try giving what you want. You want love, give it. It's that simple.
Happy Long weekend.
Until next time.
Ally's memoir "The Chem-Ho, single woman's journey through breast cancer one laugh at time" is available today. Check your local bookseller or order online via Amazon.